[Northern Rider]

Dear Murphy The Cat,

My wife is originally from Lancashire. As a youth, she hiked and climbed throughout North Wales and up your way, in the Lake District.

I foolishly showed her your recent pics.

What a mistake!

She is irreversibly homesick for the landscape, the North Country humour, the pub food, scones with double cream . . . the list goes on.

I know what is coming next. It's going to be very expensive. I want you to know, Mr. Cat, that I am holding you fully responsible for my impending financial misfortune.

Already she has been to her favourite travel agency sites, checking out trans Atlantic air fares. She was even so bold as to request that I ask of you any knowledge of cottages to rent in your humble little corner of the planet. Mind you, her tastes are simple - she suggested we dine at some burger joint called Miller Howe.

To both of our relief, my good lady leaves for America on Tuesday to join our daughter in Florida. I remain behind to ensure that the snow is shovelled from our lane ways, steps, and roof. With any good fortune, she may have forgotten about this daft "back to her roots" expedition by the time she returns from the Sunshine State.

It is, sadly, unlikely she will forget - as she seems to recall every dumb thing I've ever done, chapter and verse, for the past 12,000 days, whilst I can hardly recall yesterday's momentous events.

Speaking of sunshine, since a sojourn to the Lake District seems inevitable for us, can you please advise me as to when you have your "dry season"?

Yours faithfully,

Northern Rider