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[Scarbs]

It occurred to me after attending this year’s Spring Festival of LXs (which was a BLAST, btw), that those who live in Southern California are a little sheltered from life outside of the OC. This point was driven home when I mentioned learning to drive a manual transmission on a tractor and I got a blank stare from a life long SoCal resident member (who shall remain nameless). To help him, and those like him, I have assembled an easy to understand primer for life in the Midwest. I understand it’s a complete culture shock, but if you read it slowly, I’m sure you’ll eventually get the main ideas…




This is a tractor. T-R-A-C-T-O-R. It is used for plowing fields. A field is where food is grown...


Tractor

Corn Field




Many farms in America have a silo. A silo is used to store feed for cattle (see “This is a cow” below). The technical term for the feed a silo holds is silage. Silage is made of corn. Corn is grown in a field (see “This is a tractor” above).
Silo

Corn



This is a cow. Can you say cow? Cows give milk. Bulls (who look a lot like cows, but don’t play basketball very well) do not give milk. Do not try to milk a bull. You will be unpleasantly surprised.


Cow
Bull
Benny the Bull


Midwesterners eat a lot of an odd substance called cheese. Many of you have probably heard of, and maybe even eaten cheese, but we have a special style of cheese we reserve specifically for the northern regions of the Midwest. The Cheese Curd!! If eaten at exactly the right stage of ripeness, the cheese curd should squeak against your teeth when bitten.
Many people prefer their cheese curds fried and they are served regularly as appetizers.






This is snow. Snow is cold. Snow is fun for kids (and some crazy adults) to play in, but make sure you don’t eat the yellow snow.


Snow (this fell today in our back yard)

Yellow Snow


Many people in the Midwest like to dance the Polka. It is an odd dance that requires a lot of twirling and bouncing (see “Beer is good” below). Most people that enjoy Polkaing are missing at least a few teeth. I don’t know exactly why, but that is the way it is. The costume required is similar to that of a square dance costume (if you don’t know what square dancing is, please see me after class as you obviously require private lessons).



Beer is good; beer is good, let’s go drink some beer. While beer is widely known and has international acclaim among connoisseurs, everyone knows that the best beer is brewed in the Midwest. Old Style, Old Milwaukee, Pabst, Budweiser… all Midwest brews. It stands to reason that since we make the best beer, we’d also have to make the best pizza. Everyone knows you can’t really enjoy a great glass of beer without a big slice of Chicago style Deep Dish Pizza. It also stands to reason that since we make the best beer, we also make the best drunks (who also shall remain nameless).



Also, just as a side note, the name of the state that Chicago is in, is Illinois, pronounced el – i – noi. Not to be confused with Noid, the mascot for Domino’s Pizza in the 80’s or Mighty Noid, who we all know and love…

Pizza Noid

Mighty Noid


If you need any further lessons on life outside the OC, you let me know

-Amy