Can any of you blasted colonials help a Brit ?

[Murphy The Cat]

Dear Tea chuckers

I am in the hugely fortunate position of having ordered one of your fine motorised horseless carriages namely the Chrysler 300c CRD (that's a diesel car dear chap).

One likes to keep ahead of the hoi polly and I have every intention of pumping my rider - whatever that means, it was a phrase by butler used while cleaning my shoes with his tongue.

My intention is to add a rather splendid grille ( i wish you ex-Brits would decide on a spelling and stay with it) to the front of my thrusty beast to give it the appearence of one of the finest vehicles to grace the Queens (Gawd Bless Her) highway- namely a Bentley. I am sure that someone on this site would recognise a quality British name when they see it.

Sadly when I have looked upon American purveyors of such merchandise, I seem to be coming across a new breed of robber baron. He goes by the name of UPS and asks (nay demands Sir) the princely sum of 160 American dollars (why can't you people use pounds sterling (£) like the rest of the civilised world) to send said grille to England - the centre of the Empire and hence the world. I believe that your novel old phrase of "no taxation without representation" has been replaced with "heres a jolly old chap from England, lets charge him lots for being a complete rotter to us years ago".

To make matters worse the Queens (Gawd Bless Her) then levies a dastardly thing called VAT which adds a further 171/2 % to the price and then adds another filthy charge called import duty - bloody rotten show, what.

To counter this some of our continental friends (friends in the loosest terms) have decided that as they have not tried to invade each other for a year or two (by the way, thanks for the assist, twice), they will sell goods within the boundaries of europe (similar to the British Empire, but it'll never catch on) without any of these items called VAT or import duty. What a spiffing idea.

Sadly, even though I have sent an emissary (used google) to entreat the filthy & unkempt hordes of mainland europe to supply me with a grille for my personal conveyance - I have so far had no success. I think that they plot foul deeds against us and do not wish to share their grilles with the Queens (Gawd Bless Her) subjects.

So my question dear Colonialists is this. Does anyone no of a supplier of "grilles" and other "shiny bits" that I can "pump up my ride" with who are based in europe ? or is my only alternative paying some of the Queens (Gawd Bless Her) sovereigns to an American establishent and then providing enough money for the purchase of doughnuts for a small town police force ?

I await your reply by carrier pigeon or fastest steamboat crossing.

I am yours beseechingly

Murphy The Cat

p.s. Do you remember Hong Kong and are you aware that the 250 year lease on America comes to an end in 2026 and that you will then revert once again to British Rule.

Hurray & Rule Brittania

[lennoxavesosa]

First and foremost, welcome to the forums Sir Murphy!

That was one jolly ole post there chap!
I havent seen something that 'entertaining' around these parts in a while lol. However some of your afformentioned politics and beliefs seems a bit convoluted.

Anyways...to answer your question, there is a plethra of grilles to choose from to customize your soon awaited 300 CRD with. If you check with our sites Supporting Vendors (you can find them towards the bottom of the forums list) you might find shipping to be a little cheaper. $160 US seems a little steep for shipping, and please make note that there are other alternatives to UPS for shipping.
However, since you cant avoid your said VAT, if you still are searching for a vendor in that rotten land of yours ...I would try searching for auto customization shops nearby. Best of luck to you though!



On another note, you mentioned you ordered the new Diesel version of the 300C, which Im sure will turn out to be a beast of a machine! Ive read up on these a little bit, but had no idea they were availble to order this soon. Did they give you an estimated arrival date (which I hope you must realize is unrealistic)? Also does anyone know if they are going to be made availble in the states?
Please keep us posted on your forthcommings, and make sure to post pictures of her when she arrives! Im anxious to see this engine, and hopefully get a sense of what the car sounds like (a real man should love the sound of a diesel engine)!

Cheerio!

[chasb]

there is also a PLETHORA of grilles,

And everything else for that matter

[Murphy The Cat]

well cor blimey & strike alight governor - some of these American types are jolly decent and quick on the old smoke signals.

thank you very much lennoxavesosa for your kind grettings and warm thoughts.
The help that you gave me reiminds me of urinating in my own trousers after a session on the vintage port - quite warming to the soul.
The carriage charge was quoted to me by www.autotrucktoys.com and seemed to be fairly typical - which was a bit steep when I had to consider the running costs of my soon to be arrived beastie - here on the civilised side of the Atlantic (or the English Ocean as we prefer) we are paying over $7.50 per Great British gallon for what you erroneously refer to as gas. Even Diesel ( mabye called dieseline in our soon to be returned Colony costs over $8.00 per Great British gallon).

a steep charge indeed Sir, but if that is what we need to do to ensure a ready supply of afternoon tea - then so be it.

My local purveyor of fine Daimler Chrysler products has shown me that the delivery date of "Black Bess" will be the 2nd week of February 2006 (do you have the same type of calender as us ?) but you have to watch the Hun for trying a dastardly deed to catch an English gentleman out - and as i'm sure that any frenchman/belgian/pole/russian/norweigian/czech/hungarian/dutchman etc etc will tell you, they can't always be trusted. There is a version on sale currently called a Hemi which apparently goes like poo down a chute (being serious for once - I had the hemi for an afternoon and it was great. I hit 110 mph doing uphill on a sliproad without trying and I only backed off because I was unsighted as to the cars in the road I was joining - oh and it was near silent at that speed. It was 1 of only 2 hemis in GB at the time & it felt great to be driving something really special) but sadly it sucks fuel quicker than a horny .....rl at a .........concert.
ah and as for your final request. I have come across many perversions in my boarding school time after lights went out, but never did I come across anything as sick as a Diesel Listener. However kind Sir, I sent out messengers across europe and lo & behold one of them found the iformation that you seek. If you type this into l into your computer (another marvellous Great British invention)your curiousity shall be slaked. I then suggest to you that you retire to a private room to "ahem" enjoy the "moment" in the way that you see fit.

I have tried to find a smilly depicting the red cross of St George on a white background but all I can find is (quite frankly vulgar) flags with stripes & stars on them.

Perhaps when your quaint little country has developed a history it may also have developed a smily depicting the Queens (Gawd Bless Her) flag.

Once more to horse

For Queen (Gawd Bless Her) and Country

Hurrah

MTC

[Rambit]

Originally Posted by Murphy The Cat

Dear Tea chuckers

I am in the hugely fortunate position of having ordered one of your fine motorised horseless carriages namely the Chrysler 300c CRD (that's a diesel car dear chap).

One likes to keep ahead of the hoi polly and I have every intention of pumping my rider - whatever that means, it was a phrase by butler used while cleaning my shoes with his tongue.

My intention is to add a rather splendid grille ( i wish you ex-Brits would decide on a spelling and stay with it) to the front of my thrusty beast to give it the appearence of one of the finest vehicles to grace the Queens (Gawd Bless Her) highway- namely a Bentley. I am sure that someone on this site would recognise a quality British name when they see it.

Sadly when I have looked upon American purveyors of such merchandise, I seem to be coming across a new breed of robber baron. He goes by the name of UPS and asks (nay demands Sir) the princely sum of 160 American dollars (why can't you people use pounds sterling (£) like the rest of the civilised world) to send said grille to England - the centre of the Empire and hence the world. I believe that your novel old phrase of "no taxation without representation" has been replaced with "heres a jolly old chap from England, lets charge him lots for being a complete rotter to us years ago".

To make matters worse the Queens (Gawd Bless Her) then levies a dastardly thing called VAT which adds a further 171/2 % to the price and then adds another filthy charge called import duty - bloody rotten show, what.

To counter this some of our continental friends (friends in the loosest terms) have decided that as they have not tried to invade each other for a year or two (by the way, thanks for the assist, twice), they will sell goods within the boundaries of europe (similar to the British Empire, but it'll never catch on) without any of these items called VAT or import duty. What a spiffing idea.

Sadly, even though I have sent an emissary (used google) to entreat the filthy & unkempt hordes of mainland europe to supply me with a grille for my personal conveyance - I have so far had no success. I think that they plot foul deeds against us and do not wish to share their grilles with the Queens (Gawd Bless Her) subjects.

So my question dear Colonialists is this. Does anyone no of a supplier of "grilles" and other "shiny bits" that I can "pump up my ride" with who are based in europe ? or is my only alternative paying some of the Queens (Gawd Bless Her) sovereigns to an American establishent and then providing enough money for the purchase of doughnuts for a small town police force ?

I await your reply by carrier pigeon or fastest steamboat crossing.

I am yours beseechingly

Murphy The Cat

p.s. Do you remember Hong Kong and are you aware that the 250 year lease on America comes to an end in 2026 and that you will then revert once again to British Rule.

Hurray & Rule Brittania

Great post Murph.

( i wish you ex-Brits would decide on a spelling and stay with it)

We in Canada spell correctly as you do, using the Concise Oxford Dictionary as the official reference.

I have every intention of pumping my rider

We use that here as well, except we insert "Northern" in the phrase.

finest vehicles to grace the Queens (Gawd Bless Her)

We say God bless her cotton socks when she's toasted at mess functions.

to entreat the filthy & unkempt hordes of mainland europe

A member of your homeland, Sir Simon Templer of North Rottenham accused me of doing something with the hordes of Normandy, to which I quickly reminded him I was busy beating off the invading whores of Normandy in another long forgotten thread.

the purchase of doughnuts for a small town police force

Mikeyjohn is in charge of that department, so you'd have to ask him about that.

Sorry I can't answer any of your questions though. We get killed on the import duty too when we get stuff from the "Tea Chuckers".

Rambit - from the OTHER London

[Lik2race]

Hmmm..Damn Redcoats..........
....
lol..j/king

[goddardzilla]

The English are being such dinks
In their pockets the money it clinks
They want our grilles shipped
At costs that are dipped
Call out the Militia methinks


Based on my previous experience don't ship UPS you'll get dinged a significant brokerage fee on arrival. You could try getting them to give you a USPS surface mail quote

Zilla

[Rambit]

Ho hum. Just a matter of time before NR posts in here. Can't wait to see what he comes up with...hehe.

Rambit

[HealeyRick]

M the C,

Chrysler makes its own faux-Bentley radiator guard:



Perhaps you could order this through your local Chrysler dealer without personally importing one yourself. Shipping and VAT may be less. If this works out for your, raise a pint for me in memory of:



Rick
Tea-chucker from Boston, where the chucking all began.

BTW, it's "pimp" my ride, not "pump" my ride. You see, in America a pimp is ... , oh, never mind.

[Cdnhemi]

Hey, Murph if you like you can borrow our flag for your posts..... oh I forgot we don't have one either..... hmmmmm!!!!!

I am also an expert on the doughnut scene as a result of my previous occupation, so if you need help please don't be afraid to ask.

By the way, we have Red Rose tea here....... pity you say!!!!