Man Farts - 5 Die

[Rambit]

MAN FARTS - 5 DIE

Dover, MA -
"I think its something to do with his stomach.." was the last thing that 911 dispatcher Carol Quandt heard before the loud explosion that ended her call with a local Dover resident.
At 5:15pm half a city block exploded killing 5 people and seriously wounding 15. The explosion was not caused by any gas leak or natural disaster but from a severe rectal build-up.
Dennis Edwards, a local PAOD (Phat-Asses-of-Dover) member, and a Dover Elementary PTA member was killed by a self inflicted anal explosion also killing his wife and 2 children, and there pet Dog fluffy. Apparently Dennis was eating refried beans for days, left-overs from his oldest son's high school graduation reception, and had been complaining about sever stomach cramps.
His wife Norma called the paramedics at 5:13pm to dispatch an ambulance but it was too late. At 5:15pm Dennis could no longer hold himself and exploded.
A memorial service is planned for Thursday night at the Bethony Lutheran Church. Funeral plans have not yet been announced.


Bill Sheppard, Edward's neighbor, looks through
what was once his front door. - photo by alice burbeck

Rambit

[HalV48]

That's funny.

I had refried for lunch yesterday, and baked beans for dinner.

Feel fine, for now. Poor cindy

[michael mulligan]

i was in dover the other day visiting BEN i didn't smell anythihg?!

[Rambit]

On the theme of blowing things up...and the guy doesn't seem too shook up over it:

Defective Airbag Blows man's head 2 blocks Away
Halifax - Roger Burrow wanted to take his buddy , Sam Klemdin, out for a little drive. He never brought him back. Klemdin was killed when the passenger airbag exploded violently and sent his head two blocks from the scene. Burrow, 23, described the accident.
" I was going 5 miles per hour, chatting with Sam when I dropped my hamburger on the floor and reached down to retrieve it. I felt the car tap the car in front, and then heard a BOOM that deafened me. I looked at Sam, and there was his head - GONE !!. It's unbelievable that an airbag can do that, especially since the car was relatively new..."
The car has been towed back to the dealer, who refused to comment. However, a mechanic had this to say (his identity is protected) - "My boss does his own air-bag work. Perhaps he added a little more explosive than he should have...."
A mailman found Klemdin's head in a mailbox two city blocks away - " I went to get the days deliveries and when I opened the box, there was this poor guy's head, right near a package for Mrs. Lipple. I called the police." Other witnesses say they spotted the head flying at an extremely high rate of speed. One man thought it was a meteor. " I saw what I thought was an asteroid...I just watched Armageddon in the theater so I yelled to everyone to stay low !"
Police investigators are checking the dealership for any other cars which may have had their airbags tampered with. So far, there have been 3 incidents with defective airbags in Canada, but no one has been hurt. Klemdin was the first person to die under such circumstances, Says the head of the Automobile Association - " Yes, it's a tragic accident, but an isolated case. Let's not lose our heads over this..."

Above: 5 mile per hour impact triggered airbag blamed for death.

Rambit

[Rambit]

Kinda like blowing up...

Harmless burping contest Turns Building into Rubble
Kilajeemee - A group of school buddies, enjoying a night of beer, TV, and burping, were among the victims of last weeks devastating building collapse in Kilajeemee. The lone survivor, Puhn Gambhi, describes what actually happened in the moments leading up to the disaster - " I was with Chombi, Rannu, and Gootlhi, and we were watching television, and having lots of beer. Then Gootlhi suggested we see who can burp the longest and loudest. Chombi let out a big one, but not nearly as the one Rannu did. His burp was so loud that I was momentarily deafened...The building crumbled beneath my feet and that was the last I saw of my buddies...". He went on to describe in great detail how Rannu's burp seemed to start a vibration within the structure, and the building started to shake. If not for the cushion of a vegetable market below, he would have almost certainly perished as well.
Police have sent a squad of building inspectors to the scene, although they are positive that Rannu's burp was the sole factor in the destruction. Says Rhandi Keelpeetahan of the Indian Building Inspectors - " I know a Burp Crack when I see one...I spotted the rift in the east wall of the building immediately. Only pressure form a very intense burp can cause a structure to collapse so rapidly".
Although investigators do not yet know what type of beer was involved, they suspect it could have been Bud Lite imported from the United States. "Bud is the best burping beer around...It's no wonder that the building caved in..." says Gambhi. He has pledged never to burp again.



Above: Rescuers seep through the wreckage of the collapsed building.

Rambit

[srt8danno]

My god the carnage. Flatulence can kill and I’ve been around some people who were actually dead on the inside or at least it smelled like it. Reminds me of my college days when some of the dudes on my floor lit their farts……woe to the one who didn’t leave his underwear on….. OUCH!

And no Rambit that wasn’t me….I was too busy throwing water on the wet tea shirt contestants. You know its all about boobs!

[Rambit]

Originally Posted by srt8danno

My god the carnage. Flatulence can kill and I’ve been around some people who were actually dead on the inside or at least it smelled like it. Reminds me of my college days when some of the dudes on my floor lit their farts……woe to the one who didn’t leave his underwear on….. OUCH!

And no Rambit that wasn’t me….I was too busy throwing water on the wet tea shirt contestants. You know its all about boobs!

Well danno, I have to admit I've tried it. You gotta know what you're doing or serious injury may result.

Ever heard of Dance of the Flaming Arseholes? It's something naval officers do when they're drunk. I witnessed that first hand on the USS Mobile and it was the Canadians doing it. Yes I realize US ships are dry, but Canadians had special privileges. Navy (p u s s er) rum gets you drunk fast. Basically you stuff toilet paper where the sun don't shine, light it and run around screaming. It ain't a pretty site. Get the picture?

Rambit

[Grasshopper]

My favorite was when in a Monty Python movie a rather large man was too full to eat a thin dessert wafer after consuming a table of food. The waiter finally convinced him to eat the wafer, and after a bit of rumbling the man exploded into a billion pieces. Hilarious. I know I'm disturbed, but ya gotta love the brits . . .

[Rambit]

Originally Posted by Grasshopper

My favorite was when in a Monty Python movie a rather large man was too full to eat a thin dessert wafer after consuming a table of food. The waiter finally convinced him to eat the wafer, and after a bit of rumbling the man exploded into a billion pieces. Hilarious. I know I'm disturbed, but ya gotta love the brits . . .

Well you're not alone. One of my favs!!!

Rambit

[DanRealtor]

Originally Posted by Grasshopper

My favorite was when in a Monty Python movie a rather large man was too full to eat a thin dessert wafer after consuming a table of food. The waiter finally convinced him to eat the wafer, and after a bit of rumbling the man exploded into a billion pieces. Hilarious. I know I'm disturbed, but ya gotta love the brits . . .

Bugger Off!