Jesus is watching you!

[Northern Rider]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around,
looking for valuables and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised
himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on
and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

“The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

[DUBSTER]

Lol!!!!! !!!!!

[Daddydough]

Good One NR! Kinda remind me of the joke about the Parrot with no legs!

Well this guy suspects his wife is cheating on him so he decides to a parrot to tell him what goes on while he is at work. So the guy goes to a pet store and ask the attendant if they have any parrots.

The attendant says they only have one parrot but he doesn't have any legs!
The guy says " Well how doe he set up on the pirch?"
The attendant says " Well he's got a really long Johnson and he wraps it around the pirch to stay up."

So the guy says " What the Hell?, I'll take the parrot and give it a try."

So the next day he is getting ready to leave for work and he say to the parrot " I want you to keep a eye on my wife and tell me what happens when I get back from work."

The parrot says " OKKKKk"

So after a long day of the the guy finally makes it back home and goes straight to the Parrot. He ask the parrot what happen?

The parrot says " Well.... As sone as you left the door bell rang!"

The guy says " yeah, and then what"

The parrot says " A tall man came in and started kissing and hugging your wife!"

The guy says" OK Tell me more Mr. Parrot"

The parrot says" They started taking their cloths off!"

The guy says " OK what next?"

The parrot says " I don't know......Got a Boner! and Fell of the Pirch!"

[DUBSTER]

Originally Posted by Daddydough

Good One NR! Kinda remind me of the joke about the Parrot with no legs!

Well this guy suspects his wife is cheating on him so he decides to a parrot to tell him what goes on while he is at work. So the guy goes to a pet store and ask the attendant if they have any parrots.

The attendant says they only have one parrot but he doesn't have any legs!
The guy says " Well how doe he set up on the pirch?"
The attendant says " Well he's got a really long Johnson and he wraps it around the pirch to stay up."

So the guy says " What the Hell?, I'll take the parrot and give it a try."

So the next day he is getting ready to leave for work and he say to the parrot " I want you to keep a eye on my wife and tell me what happens when I get back from work."

The parrot says " OKKKKk"

So after a long day of the the guy finally makes it back home and goes straight to the Parrot. He ask the parrot what happen?

The parrot says " Well.... As sone as you left the door bell rang!"

The guy says " yeah, and then what"

The parrot says " A tall man came in and started kissing and hugging your wife!"

The guy says" OK Tell me more Mr. Parrot"

The parrot says" They started taking their cloths off!"

The guy says " OK what next?"

The parrot says " I don't know......Got a Boner! and Fell of the Pirch!"

That is funny too!!!!! !!!!

[srt8danno]

Good ones NR and DD!!! Thanks for the good laugh this evening!

[Tork Monster]

Hheeyyyyy.. DUDE!

Truly righteous!

[Northern Rider]

OK - So who has another Parrot Joke?

[srt8danno]

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes. "She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

[srt8danno]

Before the collapse of communism, this Russian guy loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, all around the neighborhood, in the park, everywhere. He can't find the parrot. Finally he goes around to the KGB office, and tells the desk officer his problem. The officer is a little puzzled. "Look, comrade, I'm sorry you lost your bird, but this is the KGB. We don't handle missing animal reports." "Oh, I know that", says the guy. "I just wanted you to know, if you do find my parrot... I don't know where he could have picked up all his political ideas."

[srt8danno]

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"