"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." --Bruce Graham
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." --Unknown
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow." --Jeff Valdez
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." -- English proverb
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." -- Ellen Perry Berkeley
"One cat just leads to another." --Ernest Hemmingway
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." --Mary Bly
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." --Joseph Wood Krutch
"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." --Faith Resnick
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." --Anonymous
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte Taine
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." --Albert Schweitzer
"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." -- Ernest Menaul
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." --Colette
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." --Missy Dizick
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." --Colonial American proverb
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." --Joseph Wood Krutch
"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic"
"My husband said it was either him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."
"Dogs have owners....cats have a staff".
Bernie
__________________ 2009 calendars are ready! Check it out --->HERE
2005 300C SRT8 - #72 of 252 (excl. 11 pilots) - #10 of 35 Canadian SRT8's built 2008 Harley Davidson FLSTF Fatboy - Vance & Hines Big Shots STGD with FuelPak tune. 2008 Jeep GC SRT8 - Custom Build/Custom Delivered by SRT - 1 of 1 in Canada
Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new notebook PC. Instead of producing the cryptic error message characteristic of Microsoft's operating systems, Sony's president said, "We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been-until now-an operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. For example, we have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our own Japanese haiku poetry." The chairman went on to give examples of Sony's new error messages:
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Bernie
__________________ 2009 calendars are ready! Check it out --->HERE
2005 300C SRT8 - #72 of 252 (excl. 11 pilots) - #10 of 35 Canadian SRT8's built 2008 Harley Davidson FLSTF Fatboy - Vance & Hines Big Shots STGD with FuelPak tune. 2008 Jeep GC SRT8 - Custom Build/Custom Delivered by SRT - 1 of 1 in Canada
"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal
"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth
"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe ***
"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anonymous
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies
(And lastly)
"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Ammo Troop
Bernie
__________________ 2009 calendars are ready! Check it out --->HERE
2005 300C SRT8 - #72 of 252 (excl. 11 pilots) - #10 of 35 Canadian SRT8's built 2008 Harley Davidson FLSTF Fatboy - Vance & Hines Big Shots STGD with FuelPak tune. 2008 Jeep GC SRT8 - Custom Build/Custom Delivered by SRT - 1 of 1 in Canada
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1)Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2)There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8)David slew Goliath; he did not kick the fecesout of him.
9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Bernie
__________________ 2009 calendars are ready! Check it out --->HERE
2005 300C SRT8 - #72 of 252 (excl. 11 pilots) - #10 of 35 Canadian SRT8's built 2008 Harley Davidson FLSTF Fatboy - Vance & Hines Big Shots STGD with FuelPak tune. 2008 Jeep GC SRT8 - Custom Build/Custom Delivered by SRT - 1 of 1 in Canada
Jake, Johnny, and Billy Bob, went to the rodeo. Unfortunately, a big
bull jumped the fence into the spectators and they were trampled to
death.
Being good God-fearing men, they ascended to Heaven where they were
met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He said, "Welcome to Heaven,
gentlemen.
I'm sure you'll be quite comfortable here, but I must warn you that
we do have our rules in Heaven. If you break them, you'll be punished.
One rule is, never step on a duck. If you step on a duck, the duck quacks,
then they all quack, and it just goes on and on." That sounded simple
enough.
They passed through the Pearly Gates and were surprised to find there
were ducks everywhere! In no time at all, Jake stepped on one. The
duck quacked, then they all quacked, they made a terrible racket and it
just went on and on. Pretty soon along came St. Peter with a terribly
homely woman in tow.
"I warned you that if you broke the duck rule you'd be punished." He
chained the homely woman to Jake and said, "You will be together
forever," and walked away.
Sometime later, despite his best efforts, Johnny accidentally stepped
on a duck. The duck quacked, then they all quacked and made a terrible
commotion that just went on and on.
Sure enough, along came St. Peter with an even homelier woman. "I
warned you that if you broke the duck rule you'd be punished."
With that, he chained the woman to Johnny and said, "The two of you
will be together for all eternity," and walked away.
Well, Billy Bob was very careful not to step on a duck.
One day St. Peter came along with a drop dead gorgeous blonde. He
chained her to Billy Bob and said, "You will be together now and forever
more," and walked away.
Billy Bob exclaimed, "Wow, I wonder what I did to deserve this?!"
"I don't know about you,” said the beautiful woman,--"But I stepped
on a duck."
