UK Owners?

[300carm]

Originally Posted by WestcoastSRT8

Hi Steve.....

i'm from Canada....Vancouver to be exact....i was just in Europe last month and saw a black 300C on the streets of Warsaw Poland.....the wheels on the euro spec 300Cs are the same as the Dodge Magnum & Charger over here....do you know if/when the SRT-8 will be available in the UK ?....btw i like to read CAR magazine which i can buy over here....i like to read reviews of cars that are not available over here....they have reviewed the 300C and like most car journalists were impressed with this awesome automobile....i also find the 300 Touring very interesting...it is like the Dodge Magnum but with a 300 front end....i managed to acquire some 300 brochures from Germany and found some interesting differences between our cars....

take care !

I JUST wanted to add that the (deep plate ) rims you are talkin about are the only available stock rims in russia and i think the rest of europe

[HealeyRick]

Originally Posted by Murphy The Cat

p.s. I am looking forward to visiting your quaint country in 8 days, I trust that you will make me and that the red carpet has been dry cleaned in anticiaption of my visit.

My Dear Mr. Cat,

We in the colonies are eagerly anticipating the arrival of yourself, Mrs. Cat, prithee, and various handmaidens and manservants. In order to whisk you through the formalities insisted upon by those blackguards of Customs and Border Patrol, please allow me to offer this simple phrasebook that will ensure you the welcome of one on Her Majesty's Service:

1, Why yes, that is a framed, autographed photo of Osama in my luggage. We're quite close, actually.

2. Indeed these are the same sneakers worn by Richard Reid.

3. None of your business why my passport shows recent travel to Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and North Korea!

4. A gentleman does not allow himself to be photographed and fingerprinted.

And the one that will really open doors for you:

5. My landing fees pay your salary.

Although the red carpet has not been cleansed, the minions at CBP have been instructed to use extra lubrication on their latex gloves in honour of your arrival.

I find it interesting that you hold our American lager in such low esteem, particularly since you brazenly (without, apparently, any fear of repercussion from the International Gustatory Criminal Tribunal at The Hague) admit that you are/were a purveyor of what your countrymen somewhat erroneously describe as "food". Pray tell, Kind Sir, what, exactly is the main ingredient of "Toad in the Hole"?

As far as our ability to speak the Queen's English



I am pleased to advise that my youngest heir has just recently returned from the elocutional jousting tourney (otherwise known as Parliamentary Debate) at your college in Durham where he soundly kicked the arses of those:



from Oxford and Cambridge.

When I referred to you as a "Country Squire", supra, I momentarily forgot that term has a different meaning in your country than here. I was referring to:



I remain,

Your Obedient Servant,

Rick

[Murphy The Cat]

MrHealeyRick

once more thank you for your kind entreaties and warm thoughts.

I took the opportunity to parlay with said ex-owner of "The Priory" at Windermere and to ask if he remembered your visit. Astoundingly he did and for several good reasons. He vividly remembered your inability to write your name correctly and write it in the same way that you Americanians write the date (i.e incorrectly) and also your complete lack of being able to hold your ale . My good friend took a few pictures of you after your "hardcore" session of 3 pints of local bitter (possibly for blackmail purposes) and he has promised to send them to me by pony and trap tomorrow - when I have them I intend to publish them and show everyone on this forum what a callow youth you were.
He also asked when you would be returning the bathrobes that you "ahem" forgot to leave and asked if you had enjoyed the "artistic films from Holland featuring sheep" that you seemed so keen on.

I am glad that the fruit of your over active loins enjoyed herself at the Capital of Geordieland - Durham. I am sure it would have been quite an experience for her seeing so many people dressed as barcodes (please ask her, i'm sure she'll smile at the thought !), but please could you clarify what she was doing there as you state that she was arse *icking and a simple spelling mistake could make all the difference in the meaning.

I thank you for the valid advice that you have presented to me for my forthcoming visit to Kentuckyshire on Sea and by return I offer you some handy pointers that will spped your journey through customs on your next visit to the "Heart Of The British Empire"

Handy hints for Americans coming to the correct side of the English Ocean

Vocabulary

The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" -- the equivalent of seventeen cents American. Underpants are called "wellies" and friends are called "tossers." If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser" -- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously demonstrative, tactile people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street. Public nuzzling and licking are also encouraged, but only between people of the same sex.

Habits

Ever since their Tory government wholeheartedly embraced full union with Europe, the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two- or three-hour siesta , which they call a "wank." As this is still a fairly new practice in Britain, it is not uncommon for people to oversleep (alarm clocks, alas, do not work there due to the magnetic pull from Greenwich). If you are late for supper, simply apologize and explain that you were having a wank -- everyone will understand and forgive you.

Universities

University archives and manuscript collections are still governed by quaint medieval rules retained out of respect for tradition; hence patrons are expected to bring to the reading rooms their own ink-pots and a small knife for sharpening their pens. Observing these customs will signal the librarians that you are "in the know" -- one of the inner circle, as it were, for the rules are unwritten and not posted anywhere in the library. Likewise, it is customary to kiss the librarian on both cheeks when he brings a manuscript you've requested, a practice dating back to the reign of Henry VI.

One of the most delighful ways to spend an afternoon in Oxford or Cambridge is gliding gently down the river in one of their flat-bottomed boats, which you propel using a long pole. This is known as "cottaging." Many of the boats (called "yer-I-nals") are privately owned by the colleges, but there are some places that rent them to the public by the hour. Just tell a professor or policeman that you are interested in doing some cottaging and would like to know where the public yerinals are. The poles must be treated with vegetable oil to protect them from the water, so it's a good idea to buy a can of Crisco and have it on you when you ask directions to the yerinals. That way people will know you are an experienced cottager.

Food

British cuisine enjoys a well deserved reputation as the most sublime gastronomic pleasure available to man. Thanks to today's robust dollar, the American traveller can easily afford to dine out several times a week (rest assured
that a British meal is worth interrupting your afternoon wank for). Few foreigners are aware that there are several grades of meat in the UK. The best cuts of meat, like the best bottles of gin, bear Her Majesty's seal, called the British Stamp of Excellence (BSE). When you go to a fine restaurant, tell your waiter you want BSE beef and won't settle for anything less. If he balks at your request, custom dictates that you jerk your head imperiously back and forth while rolling your eyes to show him who is boss. Once the waiter realizes you are a person of discriminating taste, he may offer to let you peruse the restaurant's list of exquisite British wines. If he doesn't, you should order one anyway. The best wine grapes grow on the steep, chalky hillsides of Yorkshire and East Anglia -- try an Ely '84 or Ripon '88 for a rare treat indeed. When the bill for your meal comes it will show a suggested amount. Pay whatever you think is fair, unless you plan to dine there again, in which case you should simply walk out; the restaurant host will understand that he should run a tab for you.

Transportation

Public taxis are subsidized by the Her Majesty's Government. A taxi ride in London costs two pounds, no matter how far you travel. If a taxi driver tries to overcharge you, you should yell "I think not, you charlatan!", then grab the nearest bobby and have the driver arrested. It is rarely necessary to take a taxi, though, since bus drivers are required to make detours at patrons' requests. Just board any bus, pay your fare of thruppence (the heavy gold-colored coins are "pence"), and state your destination clearly to the driver, e.g.: "Please take me to the British Library." A driver will frequently try to have a bit of harmless fun by pretending he doesn't go to your requested destination. Ignore him, as he is only teasing the American tourist (little does he know you're not so ignorant!).

Speaking of the British Library, you should know that it has recently moved to a new location at Kew. Kew is a small fishing village in Wales. It can be reached by taking the train to Cardiff; once there, ask any local about the complimentary shuttle bus to Kew. (Don't forget that buses are called "prams" in England, and trains are called "bumbershoots"--it's a little confusing at first. Motorcycles are called "lorries" and the hospital, for reasons unknown, is called the "off-license." It's also very important to know that a "doctor" only means a PhD in England, not a physician. If you want a physician, you must ask for an "MP" (which stands for "master physician").

For those travelling on a shoestring budget, the London Tube may be the most economical way to get about, especially if you are a woman. Chivalry is alive and well in Britain, and ladies still travel for free on the Tube. Simply take some tokens from the baskets at the base of the escalators or on the platforms; you will find one near any of the state-sponsored Tube musicians. Once on the platform, though, beware! Approaching trains sometimes disurb the large Gappe bats that roost in the tunnels. The Gappes were smuggled into London in the early 19th century by French saboteurs and have proved impossible to exterminate. The announcement "Mind the Gappe!" is a signal that you should grab your hair and look towards the ceiling. Very few people have ever been killed by Gappes, though, and they are considered only a minor drawback to an otherwise excellent means of transportation. (If you have difficulty locating the Tube station, merely follow the signs that say "Subway" and ask one of the full-time attendants where you can catch the bumbershoot.)

One final note: for preferential treatment when you arrive at Heathrow airport, announce that you are a member of Shin Fane (an international Jewish peace organization -- the "shin" stands for "shalom"). As savvy travellers know, this little white lie will assure you priority treatment as you make your way through customs; otherwise you could waste all day in line. You might, in fact, want to ask a customs agent to put a Shin Fane stamp in your passport, as it will expedite things on your return trip.

Murphy The Cat

p.s. I notice from your "sig" a mention of a 12"subwoofer. Is this a long sandwich containing dog meat

Originally Posted by HealeyRick

My Dear Mr. Cat,

We in the colonies are eagerly anticipating the arrival of yourself, Mrs. Cat, prithee, and various handmaidens and manservants. In order to whisk you through the formalities insisted upon by those blackguards of Customs and Border Patrol, please allow me to offer this simple phrasebook that will ensure you the welcome of one on Her Majesty's Service:

1, Why yes, that is a framed, autographed photo of Osama in my luggage. We're quite close, actually.

2. Indeed these are the same sneakers worn by Richard Reid.

3. None of your business why my passport shows recent travel to Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and North Korea!

4. A gentleman does not allow himself to be photographed and fingerprinted.

And the one that will really open doors for you:

5. My landing fees pay your salary.

Although the red carpet has not been cleansed, the minions at CBP have been instructed to use extra lubrication on their latex gloves in honour of your arrival.

I find it interesting that you hold our American lager in such low esteem, particularly since you brazenly (without, apparently, any fear of repercussion from the International Gustatory Criminal Tribunal at The Hague) admit that you are/were a purveyor of what your countrymen somewhat erroneously describe as "food". Pray tell, Kind Sir, what, exactly is the main ingredient of "Toad in the Hole"?

As far as our ability to speak the Queen's English



I am pleased to advise that my youngest heir has just recently returned from the elocutional jousting tourney (otherwise known as Parliamentary Debate) at your college in Durham where he soundly kicked the arses of those:



from Oxford and Cambridge.

When I referred to you as a "Country Squire", supra, I momentarily forgot that term has a different meaning in your country than here. I was referring to:



I remain,

Your Obedient Servant,

Rick

[goddardzilla]

Originally Posted by Murphy The Cat

Handy hints for Americans coming to the correct side of the English Ocean

Vocabulary

The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" -- the equivalent of seventeen cents American. Underpants are called "wellies" and friends are called "tossers." If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser" -- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously demonstrative, tactile people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street. Public nuzzling and licking are also encouraged, but only between people of the same sex.

Habits

Ever since their Tory government wholeheartedly embraced full union with Europe, the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two- or three-hour siesta , which they call a "wank." As this is still a fairly new practice in Britain, it is not uncommon for people to oversleep (alarm clocks, alas, do not work there due to the magnetic pull from Greenwich). If you are late for supper, simply apologize and explain that you were having a wank -- everyone will understand and forgive you.

Universities

University archives and manuscript collections are still governed by quaint medieval rules retained out of respect for tradition; hence patrons are expected to bring to the reading rooms their own ink-pots and a small knife for sharpening their pens. Observing these customs will signal the librarians that you are "in the know" -- one of the inner circle, as it were, for the rules are unwritten and not posted anywhere in the library. Likewise, it is customary to kiss the librarian on both cheeks when he brings a manuscript you've requested, a practice dating back to the reign of Henry VI.

One of the most delighful ways to spend an afternoon in Oxford or Cambridge is gliding gently down the river in one of their flat-bottomed boats, which you propel using a long pole. This is known as "cottaging." Many of the boats (called "yer-I-nals") are privately owned by the colleges, but there are some places that rent them to the public by the hour. Just tell a professor or policeman that you are interested in doing some cottaging and would like to know where the public yerinals are. The poles must be treated with vegetable oil to protect them from the water, so it's a good idea to buy a can of Crisco and have it on you when you ask directions to the yerinals. That way people will know you are an experienced cottager.

Food

British cuisine enjoys a well deserved reputation as the most sublime gastronomic pleasure available to man. Thanks to today's robust dollar, the American traveller can easily afford to dine out several times a week (rest assured
that a British meal is worth interrupting your afternoon wank for). Few foreigners are aware that there are several grades of meat in the UK. The best cuts of meat, like the best bottles of gin, bear Her Majesty's seal, called the British Stamp of Excellence (BSE). When you go to a fine restaurant, tell your waiter you want BSE beef and won't settle for anything less. If he balks at your request, custom dictates that you jerk your head imperiously back and forth while rolling your eyes to show him who is boss. Once the waiter realizes you are a person of discriminating taste, he may offer to let you peruse the restaurant's list of exquisite British wines. If he doesn't, you should order one anyway. The best wine grapes grow on the steep, chalky hillsides of Yorkshire and East Anglia -- try an Ely '84 or Ripon '88 for a rare treat indeed. When the bill for your meal comes it will show a suggested amount. Pay whatever you think is fair, unless you plan to dine there again, in which case you should simply walk out; the restaurant host will understand that he should run a tab for you.

Transportation

Public taxis are subsidized by the Her Majesty's Government. A taxi ride in London costs two pounds, no matter how far you travel. If a taxi driver tries to overcharge you, you should yell "I think not, you charlatan!", then grab the nearest bobby and have the driver arrested. It is rarely necessary to take a taxi, though, since bus drivers are required to make detours at patrons' requests. Just board any bus, pay your fare of thruppence (the heavy gold-colored coins are "pence"), and state your destination clearly to the driver, e.g.: "Please take me to the British Library." A driver will frequently try to have a bit of harmless fun by pretending he doesn't go to your requested destination. Ignore him, as he is only teasing the American tourist (little does he know you're not so ignorant!).

Speaking of the British Library, you should know that it has recently moved to a new location at Kew. Kew is a small fishing village in Wales. It can be reached by taking the train to Cardiff; once there, ask any local about the complimentary shuttle bus to Kew. (Don't forget that buses are called "prams" in England, and trains are called "bumbershoots"--it's a little confusing at first. Motorcycles are called "lorries" and the hospital, for reasons unknown, is called the "off-license." It's also very important to know that a "doctor" only means a PhD in England, not a physician. If you want a physician, you must ask for an "MP" (which stands for "master physician").

For those travelling on a shoestring budget, the London Tube may be the most economical way to get about, especially if you are a woman. Chivalry is alive and well in Britain, and ladies still travel for free on the Tube. Simply take some tokens from the baskets at the base of the escalators or on the platforms; you will find one near any of the state-sponsored Tube musicians. Once on the platform, though, beware! Approaching trains sometimes disurb the large Gappe bats that roost in the tunnels. The Gappes were smuggled into London in the early 19th century by French saboteurs and have proved impossible to exterminate. The announcement "Mind the Gappe!" is a signal that you should grab your hair and look towards the ceiling. Very few people have ever been killed by Gappes, though, and they are considered only a minor drawback to an otherwise excellent means of transportation. (If you have difficulty locating the Tube station, merely follow the signs that say "Subway" and ask one of the full-time attendants where you can catch the bumbershoot.)

One final note: for preferential treatment when you arrive at Heathrow airport, announce that you are a member of Shin Fane (an international Jewish peace organization -- the "shin" stands for "shalom"). As savvy travellers know, this little white lie will assure you priority treatment as you make your way through customs; otherwise you could waste all day in line. You might, in fact, want to ask a customs agent to put a Shin Fane stamp in your passport, as it will expedite things on your return trip.

Murphy The Cat

p.s. I notice from your "sig" a mention of a 12"subwoofer. Is this a long sandwich containing dog meat

BUSTED!

http://www.chilidave.com/travelerguide.html
http://www.jomiller.com/archives/200...ide_for_a.html
http://jomiller.com/guide/


Zilla

[HealeyRick]

Murphy, My Friend,

I am overwhelmed with your kind advise should I again return to your fine island nation. Mrs. Cat has advised me that you, yourself, on occasion have overslept in your featherbed. Perhaps that's why she commented, "He's a right wanker, that one!"?

As you have been so concerned with our ability to speak the Queen's:
English, I have endeavored to enunciate more clearly by using that old trick of Diogenes. However, rather than using stones, I have instead been using dimes and nickels, which is money in our country. I hope we have a chance to meet as I could then show you how to put my goolies (that was your term for "money" was it not?) in your mouth. Sometimes, as Mr. Rambit will confirm, we use teabags for the same purpose, a practice known as "teabaggin'".

Please enjoy your holiday and our celebration of Thanksgiving. As you may be aware one of the main courses is our American turkey. These are rather small flying avian beings, much like the grouse that your beloved Charles hunts at Balmoral. Because of the diminutive size of the native turkey, it is customary for a guest to ask his hosts, "Please give me the biggest bird you can".

Speaking of hunting, I understand Charles shares this love with: Some might say he bagged his biggest boar (or is it bore?) at Balmoral. When you arrive in KY, which is coincidentally a lubricant fondly used by your countrymen, you will find it is white tail deer season. The best trophy is a deer with large antlers, known as a "rack". The female deer is known as a "babe". One should feel free to ask any lass from Kentucky, "Can you tell me where I can find a babe with a great rack?"

Although I am not from Kentucky, I am aware they make a very pleasant libation named after a Mr. John Daniels, perhaps a transplant to this side of the big pond? This is of very mild alcoholic content and in order to feel a mild intoxicating effect it is most important you consume this in large quantities. This is known as "sippin'" which means asking the pubman
for "four fingers, neat" and swallowing it in one large gulp. Repeat as many times as necessary until you have a warm feeling in your stomach.

Although this is not the most genteel of subjects, I imagine you may have to answer the call of nature while in "Kentuckyshire". Please be assured they have the most modern of conveniences:






Cheers,

Rick

[Murphy The Cat]

Goddardzilla

as your very own Abraham Lincoln (may have) said before being shot by John Wilkes Booth

"Oh bugger, I don't think there's any getting out of this one !"

Well & truly busted (& by a dratted ape at that !)

Murphy The Cat

p.s. I will respond to your other pithy matters at a time convienient to me, as I am currently hosting a dinner party for Kofi Annan and the entire cast of Desperate Housewives.

[goddardzilla]

Originally Posted by Murphy The Cat

Goddardzilla

as your very own Abraham Lincoln (may have) said before being shot by John Wilkes Booth

"Oh bugger, I don't think there's any getting out of this one !"

Well & truly busted (& by a dratted ape at that !)

Murphy The Cat

p.s. I will respond to your other pithy matters at a time convienient to me, as I am currently hosting a dinner party for Kofi Annan and the entire cast of Desperate Housewives.

Murphy

You have just been exposed ( maybe not the best image) by a member of the Canadian Forum Active Repellers of Terrorists (CanFART). Superior to your MI6 because it is not populated by sexual deviants coughBurgessMcleancough

Unbeknownst to you, these operatives work tirelessly to thwart (lovely word) terrorist attacks from forum snipers. A sort of Forum Homeland Security.

I was chosen for this mission for these reasons

1. My overriding allegance to forum
2. My ability to defend against attacks against all forum nations - including the US
3. My special covert operative profile: Born in the Lake District of England thus fully understanding the psyche of the attacker. (shiver running down your spine about now).
4. See answer #1

Your file is still open.

Zilla

[Northern Rider]

Glad you are on the job, Zilla.

Gotta stay out from under the heel of those Imperialist Empire Builders.



(this just might be about the funniest threat I have ever read anywhere)
EDIT: I meant thread - like it matters. L.O.L.

[Murphy The Cat]

Goddardzilla

i am trying to send you a personal insult (sorry
message) but it says your box is full.

Murphy The Cat

[Cdnhemi]

I have to admit that this is one of the funniest posts I have read and John Cleese would be proud of your penmanship.

As a born before Brit and born again Canuck I salute you.