Where The H*LL Is The !-2 Shift TSB?

[ManWagon]

????!!!!???

[srt8danno]

Remember the engineers said in a few weeks. (During their last on line chat) Since they live in a different time space continuum then we do it could be several months. Sorry. Unless RS has some idea we’re at their mercy.

[CanadaCraig]

Hi ManWagon!!

Like you [AND many others - I'm sure] I'm also frustrated. I emailed DaimlerChrysler directly yesterday asking 'them' WHEN a TSB will be issued for the 1-2 shift problem. It will be interesting to see what they say. [If anything at all] IF I hear back from them - I'll let you know what they said.

Craig!!

[ResumeSpeed]

Originally Posted by srt8danno

... Unless RS has some idea we’re at their mercy.

No word yet, but if they don't release it before the next chat session they might be facing a pretty angry mob...

[HealeyRick]

Every SRT-8
Down in SRT-8-ville
Liked the 1-2 TSB a lot...

But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of SRT-8-ville,
Did NOT!

The Grinch hated the TSB!
The whole TSB season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his Mustang got left at the lights.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that the motor in his 'stang was 2 liters too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His puny little engine or no-go on the straights,
He stood there on TSB Eve, hating the Eights,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every SRT-8 down in SRT-8-ville he could see
Was busy now, awaiting the 1-2 shift TSB.

"And they're mounting their DRs!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Flash Day! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep the TSB from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the SRT-8 girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

They'd open their console covers from 22Elite.
And install a new NOS bottle to shove them back in their seat.
They'd ooh and aah over the CAI from Rev. Hammer.
And dream of top-end runs that didn't end in the slammer!

And THEN
They'd do something that just made him squeal!
Every SRT-8 down in SRT-8-ville, the BS, IR, BB and Silver Steel,
Would drive to the dealer sporting the Five-star,
And line up to have the 1-2 TSB flashed in their car!

They'd punch off the line, with nary a stutter,
Hit the 1-2 shift like a hot knife through butter.
And the more the Grinch thought of the TSB bling
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"I'll never win a drag if I don't stop it now!
I MUST stop the TSB from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Chrysler tech hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Dubster, now that's siiiiiccckk"

"All I need is an SRT-8..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since Ochos are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...?
No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find an Eight, I'll make one instead!"
So he found a 300C and slapped on some Twenties
And added the rest of the SRT Design Group stuff,
Thinking no one would notice his Eight was a bluff.

THEN
He loaded some bags
With some phony TSB flash
And laughed at the Eights
When their throttle would mash.

Then the Grinch said, "Let's roll!"
And the Faux-8 started down
Toward the homes where the SRTs
Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Eights were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first garage in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Grinch hissed
Flashed the 8 in the garage so the 1-2 shift would stay missed.

His work done the Grinch started to flee
When he heard a small sound like a dove in a tree
He turned around fast, and who should he see
Little Ella-C, who was not more than 23.

The Grinch had been caught by this little Eight dear
Who'd got out of bed for one last cold beer.
She stared at the Grinch and said, ", why, Dubster
"Why are you working tonight? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little dear," the fake Chrysler tech lied,
"There's no LS Diff on this car and power goes only to one side.
"So I've installed one so your SRT will be on fire"
"Burning smoke from both the left and right tire."

And his fib fooled sweet Ella. Then he patted her head
And he got her a cold one and he sent he to bed.
And when Ella C went to bed with her brew,
HE hightailed it outta there before his cover he blew.

Then
He did the same thing
To the other Eights sleeping.

He knew in the morn when no 1-2 fix was in
The only sound in SRT-8 ville would be owners weeping.


It was quarter past dawn...
All the Eights, still a-bed
All the SRT, still a-snooze
When he packed up his Fake-8 and hit the gas with his shoes,

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Moose,
Hoping he could find his secret stash of go-juice.!
"Pooh-pooh to the Eights!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no TSB is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the SRTs down in SRT-8-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at SRT-8-ville!
The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every SRT-8 down in SRT-8-ville, the IR, BS, SS and Brilliant Black,
Were banging that 1-2 shift, chirping tires at the back
He HADN'T stopped the TSB from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without a flash! It came without a dealer!
"It came without Resume Speed, that TSB healer!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe TSBs," he thought, "don't come from a store.
"Maybe TSBs...perhaps...mean a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his Mustang through the bright morning light
Bowed down to the Ochos as was surely their right!

And as the Grinch sat there humbled, the Eights never let on,
about the SRT engineers who came in late at night and left before dawn.

[Spider]

Originally Posted by HealeyRick

Every SRT-8
Down in SRT-8-ville
Liked the 1-2 TSB a lot...

But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of SRT-8-ville,
Did NOT!

...

And as the Grinch sat there humbled, the Eights never let on,
about the SRT engineers who came in late at night and left before dawn.

LOL LOL LOL ... I have a feeling that I've heared similar poem somewhere

[artichoke]

It has a lot of mods though.

[Northern Rider]

Originally Posted by HealeyRick

Every SRT-8
Down in SRT-8-ville
Liked the 1-2 TSB a lot...

But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of SRT-8-ville,
Did NOT!

The Grinch hated the TSB!
The whole TSB season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his Mustang got left at the lights.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that the motor in his 'stang was 2 liters too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His puny little engine or no-go on the straights,
He stood there on TSB Eve, hating the Eights,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every SRT-8 down in SRT-8-ville he could see
Was busy now, awaiting the 1-2 shift TSB.

"And they're mounting their DRs!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Flash Day! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep the TSB from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the SRT-8 girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

They'd open their console covers from 22Elite.
And install a new NOS bottle to shove them back in their seat.
They'd ooh and aah over the CAI from Rev. Hammer.
And dream of top-end runs that didn't end in the slammer!

And THEN
They'd do something that just made him squeal!
Every SRT-8 down in SRT-8-ville, the BS, IR, BB and Silver Steel,
Would drive to the dealer sporting the Five-star,
And line up to have the 1-2 TSB flashed in their car!

They'd punch off the line, with nary a stutter,
Hit the 1-2 shift like a hot knife through butter.
And the more the Grinch thought of the TSB bling
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"I'll never win a drag if I don't stop it now!
I MUST stop the TSB from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Chrysler tech hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just Dubster, now that's siiiiiccckk"

"All I need is an SRT-8..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since Ochos are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...?
No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find an Eight, I'll make one instead!"
So he found a 300C and slapped on some Twenties
And added the rest of the SRT Design Group stuff,
Thinking no one would notice his Eight was a bluff.

THEN
He loaded some bags
With some phony TSB flash
And laughed at the Eights
When their throttle would mash.

Then the Grinch said, "Let's roll!"
And the Faux-8 started down
Toward the homes where the SRTs
Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Eights were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first garage in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Grinch hissed
Flashed the 8 in the garage so the 1-2 shift would stay missed.

His work done the Grinch started to flee
When he heard a small sound like a dove in a tree
He turned around fast, and who should he see
Little Ella-C, who was not more than 23.

The Grinch had been caught by this little Eight dear
Who'd got out of bed for one last cold beer.
She stared at the Grinch and said, ", why, Dubster
"Why are you working tonight? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little dear," the fake Chrysler tech lied,
"There's no LS Diff on this car and power goes only to one side.
"So I've installed one so your SRT will be on fire"
"Burning smoke from both the left and right tire."

And his fib fooled sweet Ella. Then he patted her head
And he got her a cold one and he sent he to bed.
And when Ella C went to bed with her brew,
HE hightailed it outta there before his cover he blew.

Then
He did the same thing
To the other Eights sleeping.

He knew in the morn when no 1-2 fix was in
The only sound in SRT-8 ville would be owners weeping.


It was quarter past dawn...
All the Eights, still a-bed
All the SRT, still a-snooze
When he packed up his Fake-8 and hit the gas with his shoes,

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Moose,
Hoping he could find his secret stash of go-juice.!
"Pooh-pooh to the Eights!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no TSB is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the SRTs down in SRT-8-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at SRT-8-ville!
The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every SRT-8 down in SRT-8-ville, the IR, BS, SS and Brilliant Black,
Were banging that 1-2 shift, chirping tires at the back
He HADN'T stopped the TSB from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without a flash! It came without a dealer!
"It came without Resume Speed, that TSB healer!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe TSBs," he thought, "don't come from a store.
"Maybe TSBs...perhaps...mean a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his Mustang through the bright morning light
Bowed down to the Ochos as was surely their right!

And as the Grinch sat there humbled, the Eights never let on,
about the SRT engineers who came in late at night and left before dawn.

Another good one from our Poet laureat - HR!

[bruno]

HR,
Too funny! I love it when you get on a roll! Hope you emailed DCX your original masterpiece.

bruno

[srt8danno]

That sums it up most eloquently HR…..thanks for a very good one!