Houston, TX Barbie Dolls

[NotYet]

I decided to put this in the Texas Forum section as opposed to Off-Topic. I figured only the TX folks (specifically Houston) would understand this. If you know Houston at all, this is funny, but no way politically correct. Enjoy...

ANNOUNCEMENT: Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls forthe Houston Texas market:




"River Oaks Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at The Galleria. She comes with anassortment of Kate Spade, Prada and LV Handbags, Rolex watch a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign dog named Honey and a 25,000 sq ft. patio home. Available with or without tummy tuck and facelift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.



"Spring TX Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivanand matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.



"Aldine Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,aChevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is onlyavailable after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) .unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.



"Tanglewood Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of Rolls Royce convertible or Hummer H2.Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.



"Ft. Bend Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes toosmall, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud
light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.


"Memorial Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfitand drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.




"Huntsville Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.



"Mid town Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Mid town Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.


"East Houston Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.


"Spring Branch Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.


"Montrose Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simplyadding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
================================================== =================================

[300customs]

ROTFLMAOWKASI!!
(rolling on the floor laughing my azz off while kicking and screaming irratically)

I totally get it! That is some funny stuff! Where did you get that? Is it like a fill in the blank kinda thing or what?

[ae5dw]

There was a New Orleans version of that floating around last year with the exact same descriptions only different locales, of course. I suspect every large metropolitan area has their own version.

[NotYet]

Got it via email. I'm sure it has been passed around before and like ae5dw said, its probably been passed around for lots of major cities. But I found it pretty damn funny